Why The Baby Industry Hates Us Friday

Product: Prenate DHA prenatal vitamins

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Perhaps it’s a torture of my own making, going so quickly from wedding planning to gestation. Having just been released from the clutches of the bridal industrial complex–which reminded me regularly that failure to make certain expenditures doomed me to a life of misery–I now face the gaping jaws of the baby industry which would politely like to inform me that failure to make certain expenditures dooms my offspring to a life of misery.

State’s Exhibit A: The little nipper on my prenatal vitamins above. He’s wearing a graduation cap. Why that’s odd, considering that he just recently sprang forth from the womb. Unless they’re implying that he just graduated from Uterine University (motto, “In Umbilical Funis Speramus“) he should really have no need yet for such ceremonial garb. Not so! Because clearly, moms who don’t take Prenate DHA have children who end up collecting tolls at the entrance to the Holland Tunnel. (And don’t think it coincidence that the dame on the box is a pretty reasonable cartoon facsimile of me. If I know the pharmaceutical industry, they have enough satellite imagerymarket research to gin up a box that speaks directly to my redheaded, green-eyed, headband-wearing self.) Please also note that the mortar board baby is winking, as if to say, “What’s it going to be, mother? Yale or employee of the month at Chuey’s Chalupa Shak? Your call.”

It’s going to be a long six months.

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7 Responses to “Why The Baby Industry Hates Us Friday”

  1. I-66 Says:

    Yeah, but do you own and wear hot pink pants?

    On second thought, I’m not sure the answer to that is going to help your cause.

  2. Phil Says:

    It will also give your baby a shiny and lustrous coat.

    And I don’t know if you are planning on breast feeding or not, but you will find that Formula costs about the same as gold. I think there may be gold in there, as a matter of fact.

  3. Concerned attorney Says:

    Congratulations on this new blog and all that. But did you get the expressed written consent of those babies you are so flagrantly exploiting at the top of your page for your own personal gain?

  4. Bridal Bird Says:

    I-66 — Amazingly, that’s the one item of pink clothing not in my wardrobe.

    Phil — Yikes! I’m planning on it now!

    Concerned — Puhlease. Those three strongarmed me into a sweeter pay-per-click deal than an ISP ad agency.

  5. Marissa Says:

    Ha! Love this new blog! (Congrats on the baby too, by the way!)

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