If Loving Pastel Drawer Pulls is Wrong I Don’t Want to Be Right

aghbabystuffShopper’s identity withheld if only to spare her child from
the humiliation of one day learning that her mother had
drooled over something called the Bunnies By the Bay Lulla Bunny Bye Binkie.

Since learning I was pregnant, I had studiously avoided baby boutiques. No good can come of those places, I reasoned. They are chock full of wee pieces of merchandise that carry disproportionately hefty price tags. The longer I postponed crossing the threshold of shops with names like Giggles & Cupcakes and Bella von Poshingtot the less money I spent before the child even arrived. But with the sundial that my belly has become indicating that it was time to get organized and begin pulling together a nursery, I headed out this past weekend to peruse furniture.

In a boutique in Savage Mill, MD, I met the enemy and she is me.

At every tableau of tiny goods I found myself sighing and thinking, “Maybe I’ve been wrong. Maybe we do need to get the carrot-embroidered plush rattle “Munch Box.” I’d swear they were pumping a mixture of weapons-grade baby powder and opium through the vents. Ever the trooper, I shook off the fog and focused on the day’s mission: find an antique dresser that could double as a changing table and storage. (What I specifically did not want was a piece of baby furniture, because items manufactured solely as baby furniture are as crappy as the substance we will soon be Clorox cleaning off them.)

And there it was:diaperandonesieholder

An antique dresser that had been updated helpfully with the stripping of decades of paint and covered with a smooth coat of deliciously lead-free ebony paint, then distressed for effect and finished off with twinkling crystal knobs. And yes, the pink knobs will be subbed out for green crystal ones if we learn next week that the little one is a little he…what with decorative furniture knobs being the gender-identity crisis harbingers that they are.

After I shrewdly negotiated the proprieters down a cool 15 clams on the price and got them to agree to switch the knobs for free if needed (fear me, Wall Street titans), the first piece of nursery furniture was ours. Only 438 other “essential” items to go.

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11 Responses to “If Loving Pastel Drawer Pulls is Wrong I Don’t Want to Be Right”

  1. I-66 Says:

    Are you counting your child’s first pair of soccer footwear as one essential item or two?

  2. J. Says:

    I never thought of using a dresser as a changing table! That is genius! My husband and I might be adopting soon – I’m going to write that one down. Thanks! 😉

  3. Kathryn Says:

    That can not be THE J?

    I love the dresser almost as much as I love your belly in that photo. You look amazing!

  4. Libba Says:

    LOVE the dresser! You have done well, young paduan. ? When I was PG, I emailed a handful of mama friends I trusted and asked them to send me their top 5-10 baby items they couldn’t live without. Of course, answers vary by region: NYC, the stroller is essential. Houston, Texas, not so much. But it’s a great way to get everyone’s insider tips and tricks. I’ll be sending you my list without your needing to ask, of course.

  5. Curious Says:

    In the background there, over your left shoulder, is that the pink bunny outfit that they make Ralphie wear in A Christmas Story? And you didn’t buy it???

  6. Phil Says:

    You will find that any hard surface will serve as a “changing table”. We used the buffet in our dining room all the time (you won’t be available for dinner next week, you say?).

    And I am all too familiar with these evil stores. Our family owned one, briefly. I know much about things like “smocking” and 150% marked-up goods that you will only use for a brief time.

  7. J. Says:

    I hope I’m not THE J… I don’t know who that is…I’ll start posting with my whole name – Jaime – from now on, in order not to confuse myself with someone more heinous, perhaps??? So sorry… 😦

  8. babybird Says:

    I-66-(glowering)

    J-My sister has a similar setup and it made a lot of sense to me. Plus, we’re in a really old building so tiny closets are a challenge. More storage is clutch. Happy to help! …wait a minute, I think this means this blog just accidentally imparted helpful information. Terrifying.

    K-Ha! No, that’s not Johanna J. That’s longtime Bird reader “J.” And thank you. Get your brunchin’, belly-rubbin’ hands ready!

    Libba-Thank you, thank you (curtsying). Do want the list; send, send! And in Houston are a tiny set of pearls and a Tri Delt onesie considered essential? AHAHA, regional humor is funny…;-)

    Curious-It *was* precious. Wait, I’m guessing that’s not your point.

    Phil-Honestly, I’m hoping it’s a moot point. I’ve asked the baby to arrive potty trained.
    I assume by “family” you mean the Playaz. And I want photos of the Playaz Poshtots Emporium immediately, please.

    J.-No worries, you are the original J., babycakes! My friend K means our friend Johanna whom we call “J” in email conversation.

  9. Phil Says:

    I’ll see what I can do.

    It was horrible though – there is no worse customer than a hormonal pregnant woman.

  10. K Says:

    J – Did not mean to stress you! Your comment was just very unlike our J. 🙂

  11. Jaime Says:

    Ohh – didn’t mean to overreact! I thought perhaps another J. had said something nasty, and I didn’t want to be confused with them! Also, thanks for the “babycakes.” Ha!

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