“A wonderful, magical animal.”


It first happened while Christmas shopping in Georgetown, when the only thing on the lunch menu at Clyde’s that held even remote appeal to me was the turkey club. A few weeks later, a shipment of barbecue came in the mail (this happens when married to a Texan) and for the first time in the history of such a package arriving, that brisket looked delectable. Throw in a few lunch meetings where the thought of plucking one of the marinated vegetable wraps from the catering tray made me want to gag yet the pesto chicken panini might as well have had an “eat me” tag attached to it.

This was all unusual because I hadn’t eaten meat since 1994. And there’s a reason that last sentence said “hadn’t.”

I’m a carnivore again. Not exactly a regular at Charlie Palmer’s or anything but I’m slowly working in some turkey and a little chicken or pork here and there. Chalk it up to selfishness. And spare me your “yeah, food-chain selfishness” lectures, ye hippies in the readership. Personal preservation selfishness. I quickly discovered that I loathed prenatal vitamins. They did unholy things to my delicate-like-a-flower system. Specifically, they made me so nauseated that I found myself stumbling around and gnashing my teeth while shriek-praying the rosary with alarming frequency. It was freaking out my husband, the neighbors, and whoever was on the Metro with me at the time. My doctor, benevolent soul that she is, gave me a dispensation: learn to re-love God’s tastiest creatures or pop the pills. If nothing else underscores for you how awful prenatal vitamins can be, let it be that I am choosing to put a dead turkey in my trap rather than a pill. But you know who’s calmed down considerably? The bambino(a).

It seems that Homer Simpson was right. You don’t win baby friends with salad.


9 Responses to ““A wonderful, magical animal.””

  1. Jessica Says:

    I was able to stomach the vitamins, horse pills that they are, but I have to down them with a glass of chocolate milk – something to drastically offset the wretched, dirt-like flavour. I’m guessing as a vegetarian on hiatus, you’re still getting ample folic acid? That’s really the big thing that separates prenatal vitamins from the regular joes. I wish there were such thing as Flintstone prenatals!

  2. I-66 Says:

    [stunned silence]

  3. Daddy O Says:

    HEY! You mean you did not feed him/her corned beef and cabbage yesterday????

  4. babybird Says:

    Jessica-It’s weird because most people have a problem with the size and flavor but for me it was once they started kicking in. Yep, I take a multivitamin and an additional folic acic supplement. That combo bothers me way less than the prenatals.
    Also, cutest. avatar. ever.

    I-66-You don’t know the half of it, pal. For the first time yesterday I drank an Orange Fanta soda. And a few weeks ago I watched more than 15 seconds of the futbol voluntarily. I’m one bag of Cheezee Xtreme Doritos away from completely becoming you.

    Daddy-O-He/she had vegetable pot pie and was none too happy about it.

  5. K Says:

    I used to puke while walking to the metro, for what I thought was no reason. Turns out it was right about the time my body started metabolizing my multivitamin.

    And I started weaning myself off of vegetarianism (onto the meat) a couple of years ago. I’m not looking back… will you be?

  6. Michelle Says:

    I think when you’re pregnant ya need to give the baby what it wants. My mom, a longtime meat eater ,craved and ate ridiculous amounts of broccoli, cauliflower and other veggies when pregnant–her body’s way of radically increasing the folic acid uptake in the days before prenatal vitamins. Go with the flow, and wean yourself back off when the breastfeeding is done.

  7. Phil Says:

    As a Playa, this of course angers me.

    Selfishness?! Your baby craves meat, and all it’s important vitamins and proteins!!! Animals were made for our consumption!!! They are God’s greatest gift! They would eat you in a heartbeat! Wear fur!

    And I’m out

  8. I-66 Says:

    No no. Cool Ranch please.

  9. Phil Says:

    PS. Mrs Bird, you need to try you some of this.

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