A co-worker told me on Friday about a website called MakeMeBabies.com, where you upload your picture and your partner’s to get a prediction of what your offspring will look like. Ever the Impatient Idas, we uploaded ours and perched on the edge of our seats, peering with giddy expectation at the laptop screen. Visions of Gerber babies, or at the very least Jolie-Pitt babies, danced in our heads.
And here, according to MakeMeBabies, is what our child will look like:
Uh, there seems to be some sort of mistake. Perhaps the Stork had his delivery address labels wrong. We seem to have gotten Biggie Smalls’ posthumous love child. Perhaps I put a bad picture of myself in for this scientific tabulation.
I uploaded a new one and we got the following result:
OK, come on! This is getting regoddangdiculous! Although I suppose there’s no time like the present to let you in on this little chestnut: for the first few months my husband knew me he thought I was half-black. I who am so white I am practically transparent. His explanation, which I only partly caught because I was on the ground convulsing with laughter, had to do with spray tans, hip dress pants, and J-Lo sunglasses. Don’t ask.
Another great feature on the website is that you can digitally mate with celebrities. The site indicates that some of their most popular options are Zac Efron, Chris Brown, and Miley Cyrus, which worries me slightly in that it appears the average person contemplating mating at the site is 12. Not being in middle school, I had no interest in what my offspring would like with any of those folks. Instead, I pondered the following much more logical and mature options, using my own photos.
Me and Barack Obama
So when we actually put a black person in the equation it gives us a white baby. Apparently this site, like Stephen Colbert, doesn’t see race.
Me and George Clooney
Apparently this site also doesn’t see Clooney’s face, save for his eyebrows.
Me and The Dude
Hmm, looks like the Dude might be having some words with Clooney. Something along the lines of, “The dude minds, man. This aggression will not stand, man.”
Me and circa-1983 Cal Ripken Jr.
Eeech. Should have cast my lot with Boog instead. Yankees fans would have a field day if we brought that kid to the park.
Me and Homer Simpson
OK, now I’m convinced. The people at MakeMeBabies enjoy smoking copious amounts of herb. Although I do love that a colossal cranium translates to “Yikes! Slap a turban on that kid’s noggin!”
[Try yours and for the love of God email them to me at brunchbird(at)yahoo(dot)com and I’ll upload them here.]
UPDATE: We’re getting some goodies!
From Bridal Bird reader Tessa and her husband Darryl. I think it’s fair to say that the site’s “AutoDetect” feature on race is broken.
From reader Beth and her husband Justin. Twins!:
From blogger Erin of Players to Be Named Later, who sent photographic proof that her adorable twins look nothing like this: