Registration Hesitation

babyregistryrestorationIf you think creating a wedding gift registry is an overwhelming headache, wait until you have a child on the way and ponder the creation of a baby registry. Because while it may be mentally taxing deciding whether to go with the Imperial Scroll or Gilded Lace rim pattern for your salad plates, it’s nothing compared to the one thing that runs through your mind every time your finger hovers over the “Add to Registry” button on a baby registry: “Gee, I wonder if this product will kill my child.”

Before making its way onto the list, every car seat, crib sheet, and crap receptacle must be cross-referenced with Consumer Reports, non-profit safety advocacy associations’ online reports, the federal government, parent listservs, and the Vatican. The latter, incidentally, offers on its website a handy pamphlet titled “Products for Which We Are Frequently Called Upon to Perform Exorcisms.”


Like Dan Akroyd trying to explain to Jane Curtin that any product, even the simple average every day telephone cord, can be dangerous, you suddenly start mulling all possible mishaps. That said, it was a fairly easy decision to pass up the Baby’s First Lawn Darts set. Those just seems unsafe.


12 Responses to “Registration Hesitation”

  1. Lemmonex Says:

    Now, I preface this by saying: I am sure when I have a kid (hopefully) I will be a total freak and rethink this stance, but…

    I sometimes hate consumer reports and all those other articles that scare the crap out of expecting parents. Of course you want to make sure you don’t put your kid in a mattress with toxins and make sure the play set is safe, but I cannot help but think of my mom. She had me at 20, didn’t have a college education and my father worked in a factory. They didn’t have the time and resources to have these worries. She didn’t own a baby book except Dr. Spock, she bottle fed me, and she bought most things used.

    I turned out ok. My brother and I made it out of childhood in one piece and generally unscathed.

    Now I plan on breast feeding my baby and hope I do my best to prep, but this stuff makes me angry. One of my best friends is having a baby and I shop with her and it seems like these sales people are catching her at a really vulnerable time and making her feel if she doesn’t buy product X, her baby will die in a fiery death and she will be the worst mom EVER. Then I remind her that she lived in a chicken coop–literally–the first two years of her life.

    Wow, that was a rant. Hope you don’t think I think YOU are being alarmist. You actually seem quite reasonable about all this…I just hate the whole machine of having a baby sometimes.

  2. Jessica Says:

    The first time I walked into Babies R Us, I walked right back out. Get someone who already has a newborn to go with you.

  3. babybird Says:

    Lemmonex-Believe me, it’s totally easy to get sucked into the vortex. When I registered for the crib mattress I was actually annoyed that the foam one I wanted was the “soybean foam” mattress. I felt like adding a note to the registry to explain that I wasn’t a complete worrywart. The industrial baby complex most definitely aims to exploit the everlovin’ stuffin’ out of expectant parents’ fears. It’s totally gross.

    Jessica-I kid you not I haven’t even stepped into a baby superstore yet. I just registered on Amazon to save the hassle of actually having to, you know, talk to baby store salespeople.

  4. K Says:

    No Dyarts for Sabine?!

    (We had Dyarts. I still can’t believe my mom let us.)

  5. Phil Says:

    They say hottubs are not good for babies either, but I would always fill the baby pool with super-heated, 120 degree water, plug in an aircompressor and drop the hose in for the bubbles. They are super relaxing, if you’ve never been in one.

    My baby(ies) would have nothing but the best, regardless of what “doctors” say.

  6. Luna Says:

    I’m not at all the freak-out kind of mom to be, but I try to find natural products that have as few chemicals as possible in them, and that have good safety ratings, even if they cost a bit more. My parents visited a fe weeks ago and we went over the baby registry in the store. They just rolled their eyes at me and pointed out that “when you were a kid, we had no money, and just used [fill in the blank].” I just remind them that when I was a baby, it was also OK to smoke while pregnant, and perfectly OK to lay the baby down in the footwell of the car, rather than use a car seat. Yes, I survived my childhood, but since I do have a decent salary and am capable of looking out for the interests of my unborn child, I will, so back the hell off! That shut them up.

  7. Libba Says:

    Ditto on going to Babies R Us with a veteran parent, to guide you through the “You Must Have This” to “You Totally Don’t Need That Piece of Crap.”

  8. Johanna Says:

    I warn you now, I will never gift Sabebe anything remotely practical.

  9. babybird Says:

    K-I didn’t think anybody actually had those. I thought they were an urban legend.

    Phil-Father of the Year Committee calling on line one. That’s the same reason I plan on letting my toddler ride the dog around the house like a pony: because it will make her happy.

    Luna-I think that sounds completely fair and logical!

    Libba-I’ve been using you guys and my sister as my dial-a-baby product sherpas. So far, so good. 😉

    J-You unwittingly imply that Chanel Vamp nail polish and inner wrist tats aren’t practical.

  10. Mrs. Avery Says:

    As a mother, I agree with Libba – take someone with you. I registered for all sorts of stuff that I NEVER used.

    The best gift I got at my baby showers? Diapers & baby wipes. You go through so many and you REALLY need them.

    Maybe not a “fun” gift, but totally awesome. The fancy sheets and comforters will be stained in less than a moth with spit up (or throw up). Same with the car seat.

    So many of the products out there are just gimmicks that pretend they will make your life easier. They won’t!

    Take someone with you to register!

    And btw, once you get the ‘hang’ of BabiesRUs, you’ll love it! (I did anyway!)

  11. Carol Says:

    I went with my daughter to make her baby registry. We had a lot of fun picking out things for the baby. We found the cutes stroller at JC Penney and it was on clarence. We were afraid it would sell out so I bought right then. Having your mom with you could come in handy. LOL

  12. Crystal Says:

    I found signing up at a couple different places for my baby registry gives friends and family the ability to pick a place close to them.

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