Part II: I Say Traditional, You Say Pohtahtoe

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After I warned him last night that I would be using him as the Lucy to my Ricky in this morning’s post, my husband mounted an indignant tri-part defense, starting with, “Any man who says he wants to be in the delivery room is lying.” Other attempts: “You don’t want to be in there either!” (Response: No, but if I’ve got to be, you’ve got to be.) “So you’re saying that if I were having surgery on my prostate, you’d come stand there the whole time?” (Response: If I was allowed, of course.) Steeee-rike three.

However, in his next at-bat, he swung for the fences. And to borrow a line from The Royal Tenenbaums, “Immediately after making this statement, [Bird’s husband] realized that it was true.” He looked at me, his expression softening and his tone now serious, and said, “I just don’t want to be in there, seeing you in pain, and not be able to do anything about it.”

Heart. Melts. Here.

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14 Responses to “Part II: I Say Traditional, You Say Pohtahtoe”

  1. Skywalker Says:

    To which I turn to my husband and call “bull” – I know for a fact that man can’t take pain. He already told me that he would laugh at me during delivery because that’s how he copes.

    My poor 23 chromosones!

  2. Libba Says:

    Just remind him how much it will help the pain to have him with you! (It’s true, for sure!)

  3. Michelle Says:

    Aren’t you taking the drugs? Look honey, now I’m all trippy, not in agony.
    And of course, he can do something about it. As every funny baby delivery movie has taught me, he can stand there and take the abuse hurled at him by his sweaty wife, while he encourages her, all Casper Milquetoast like, to “Breathe, honey, breathe!”

  4. Hammer Says:

    Did this discussion happen in a small, well-lit closet full of classic boardgames? Just wonderin’.

  5. babybird Says:

    Skywalker-Gotta love the laughter copers, always livening up funerals. Unfortunately, between my husband and I, I am easily the big wimp. He is strong like ox when it comes to pain.

    Libba-I think a call from a broseph might be in order. 😉

    Michelle-I will be in a full-body coma if they allow it. Yes, I believe that I am required by cinematic law to grab him by the shirt and yell “You did this to me!” at some point during the delivery.

    Hammer-Yes. And immediately after he demanded to know where his javelina was.

  6. Phil Says:

    A few things:

    1) I don’t really buy his last line. What I really think is he is worried about how he is going to react by the incredible sensory overload he will experience (am I going to pass out? will I puke? will my wife stab me with a syringe?)

    2) It doesn’t matter if he is up by your head. He will still see everything, even if he tries to avoid it. Trust me.

    3) He will want to be in there. He may not realize it now, but he will when it happens. Most amazing thing ever.

  7. K Says:

    A guy I know made an awesome “birthing” play list for him and his wife to listen to, making the waiting and the pain a little bit easier. Lots of tunes that were soothing, special to them both, make them both happy, etc. He said it worked wonders.

    Y’all’s would obvi have to include “Falling Slowly.”

  8. Farar Says:

    When Deirdre was in labor, I had to leave so she didn’t see me bawling at how much pain she was in. It took two nurses to pull me together and send me back in. On the jollier side, she didn’t remember that I’d ever left her side.

  9. Johanna Says:

    I think Mr. Bird’ll end up caving and decide to stay in the delivery room. To leave you would be even more painful than to watch you puuuuuuuuush. He’ll stay. I’ve got a super happy fun cake from the Korean bakery riding on it.

  10. Jaime Says:

    Phil – are you serious about #2? If Mr. Bird is made to stand by our Lady Bird’s head, how is it possible that he will see anything? I need to know for future reference – because, like Bird, I will NOT allow my poor husband to see anything that might scar him. Eek.

  11. Michelle Says:

    Trust me ladies, when you are in the delivery room, all decorum and dignity goes out the window. It is what it is.

  12. Phil Says:

    Oh – I am sure.

    Because unless your husband is crouched down below the bed, your lady business is spread eagle and on display for all to see. Our doctor didn’t give me a lazy-boy to kick back in next to the bed — I was standing beside m’lady (at her head). Didn’t matter.

    Now, I didn’t have the front row seat the doctor did, but I saw enough — fortunately for us, we had to go in for a c-section so I didn’t see things down there that might scar me for life. On the other hand, I did see the doc elbow deep into my wife’s abdomen.

    BUT – as soon as it happens, you’ve kind of forgotten about all the nastiness.

  13. Jaime Says:

    *Sigh*

    I suppose I will be forced to make sure my husband crouches below, or under, the bed.

    Unless…do you suppose blinders are a viable option?

  14. babybird Says:

    Apparently some women have a large mirror suspended over their general lower regions so that they too may partake fully on the visuals. Same technique they use for cooking demonstrations at home shows.

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