On the Origin of the Specious Baby Gift

DarwinBeaglePackages with wee little gifts inside have been arriving in our vestibule with frequency lately bearing blankets and books and bears (stuffed) and bathtubs and Boppies. But the arrival last week of one such gift box from Amazon.com confounded us. Inside lay Charles Darwin’s The Voyage of the Beagle — a baby gift from our friend the Cuban Reporter, according to the packing slip inside. This was certainly a non-traditional route for a baby gift, I thought. (This was actually not my first thought. My first thought was, “If this is his creative way of telling us he got our baby a beagle I’m going to kill him.”) Quickly realizing that he’s known me long enough to know that I would come at him like a spider monkey if he showed up at our house holding a beagle puppy with a bow around its neck, I chalked it up to him acknowledging that we are sort of poncy when it comes to our taste in reading material and figured this was really no stranger than us reading her Norman Mailer.

So I emailed him to let him know his gift had arrived (no, Mother, this will not replace the handwritten thank you card) and the following exchange ensued.

On Thu, Jun 11, 2009 at 6:34 PM, <Bird> wrote:
Got your present, thanks! Is that one of your favorites? You know I’ve never read it, sad to say. Now I can read it to her…

On Thu, Jun 11, 2009 at 8:07 PM, <Cuban Reporter> wrote:
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. I didn’t get your kid a book!

On Thu, Jun 11, 2009 at 9:55 PM, <Bird> wrote:
Okey doke, well that’s sort of a relief then. Because we got a paperback copy of Charles Darwin’s “Voyage of the H.M.S. Beagle” from you today. And I thought that was sort of funny. You might want to call Amazon.

On Fri, Jun 12, 2009 at 1:06 PM, <Cuban Reporter> wrote:
I can’t stop laughing at the image of you opening the box, seeing a crazy Darwin book and thinking “Uhhhhh………….”   Yet somehow, given your amazing capabilities of forced formalities, you managed to thank me in a way that made it sound like you weren’t thinking “What the…” the whole time. Very impressive. Very very impressive.

As it turns out, he had ordered the book for himself at the same time he’d ordered our present and somehow wires crossed and the book came to us as well. Last night we opened a large, newly arrived Amazon box and found inside the entire set of homemade baby food freezer storage containers we’d registered for, courtesy of the Reporter. So all’s well that ends well. Although after tasting my homemade pureed peas, the baby will likely prefer to be curling up in her crib with a copy of Darwin’s book. Or an actual beagle.


9 Responses to “On the Origin of the Specious Baby Gift”

  1. Daddy O Says:

    Oh GREAT! And just what am I supposed to do with this cute little beagle puppy that I have been house training for the last few days?????? 😉

  2. Farar Elliott Says:

    Is that the same guy who was enamored with the chihuahua treadmill?

  3. Skywalker Says:

    Good! Because I was thinking he saying your child wasn’t “fit” enough.

    Were you really going read this to your child? Getting those scientific theories out there before High School Exit Exams, SATs and ACTs (they don’t ACTs here do they?).

    Plus why would a Cuban reporter think Charles Darwin would be a good gift? Darwin wasn’t too nice when it came to minorities and non-Europeans.

    At least you got a good laugh.

  4. Phil Says:

    ((note to self: mother does not like maritime-themed books for baby…cancel order of “Tankers Full of Trouble: The Perilous Journey of Alaskan Crude by Eric Nalder” post haste!))

  5. K Says:

    I could be remembering this wrong, but didn’t Cuban Reporter’s card say something like, “any gift I would get you would be either useless or inappropriate?”


  6. babybird Says:

    Daddy O – Like Mom would ever give him up…BWAHAHAHA!

    Farar – With tongue firmly planted in cheek, yes, that’s the one.

    Skywalker – Well to be fair, he didn’t think Darwin was a good gift. He thought babyfood containers were. However, as I told him, *had* he thought it was a good present I would have accepted it lovingly. Even though we likey the God and all, we’d still like her to be a little evolutionist. 😉

    Phil – Considering we’d expected a stick-on mustache and a pipe, we’ll take the book.

    K- Yes. He is a funny one. It also referenced a Miami Dolphins onesie.

    All, I think you’ve spoken loud and clear: you want, nay, DEMAND a guest post from the Cuban Reporter, yes?!!!

  7. Cuban Reporter Says:

    I am here merely to clear up a couple of points:

    – Yes, I said that any gift I got on my own for a baby girl would be useless, but that was simply to remind the Baby Bird that she had neglected to direct me to her registry. In other words, I was admitting that my baby-gift-giving skills are lacking and was reaching out for assistance.
    – I don’t see anything wrong with babies doing baby exercises!
    – Why has noone been angered by the Baby Bird’s clear hatred for beagles?

    Thank you.

  8. babybird Says:

    Hey, I used to own a beagle!

  9. On the Origin of the Specious Baby Gift « Baby Bird | Babies-N-Butterflies Says:

    […] On the Origin of the Specious Baby Gift « Baby Bird […]

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