If You Encourage It To Get Knocked Up, They Will Come

bellies and baseball 2It’s only Friday which means you have plenty of time to hit the Jersey Turnpike and make it to Sunday’s “Bellies & Baseball” event at the Brooklyn Cyclones stadium. Yes, from the ad wizards who brought you the New York Mets comes this event featuring:

* Barefoot & Pregnant:
Expectant moms can run (or, more likely, walk) the bases with no shoes on before the game
* Craving Station: A table on the Concourse level will offer pickles, ice cream, anchovy pizza, etc. for pregnant women who crave more than the usual ballpark fare
* Water Break: Two expectant fathers will try to complete a race with water balloons attached to their bodies. The winner is the one who lasts the longest or finishes the race without his water breaking
* 7th Inning Stretch Marks: Pregnant women will be allowed onto the field in the 7th inning to sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame
* Lamaze on the Lawn: The Cyclones will offer a Pre-game Lamaze class on the grass in centerfield
* Special Delivery: Any woman who gives birth at the ballpark before the end of the game gets free Cyclones Season Tickets for life for each member of her new family
* Naming Rights: Any expectant mother who agrees to name her child “Brooklyn” or “Cy” gets free Season Tickets for life
* Pregnancy Pitch: Any woman in her third trimester gets to throw out a ceremonial first pitch before the game
* Trimester Tricycles: Bike race between expectant fathers between innings

From Cyclones General Manager Steve Cohen, courtesy of the team’s website: “Families are at the heart of our fan base and we’re proud to welcome new families or new members to the family with a night of Brooklyn baseball in their honor.” Ideally, Cohen would like to see a generation of Brooklyn babies who literally grow up with the Cyclones. “Wouldn’t it be great if two people met at a Cyclones game, later gave birth to a child at Bellies & Baseball, and then brought their new family to Baby’s First Ballgame (on August 16th)?” he asked. Cohen also explained that the timing of the announcement gives fans ample opportunity to prepare. “If you want to be involved in Bellies & Baseball but you’re not pregnant yet, there’s still time!”

Awesome. I, too, wholeheartedly endorse a child “literally” growing up with the Cyclones, living amongst them in the clubhouse like Mowgli in The Jungle Book, except this time the bare necessities include anabolic steroids and Gatorade. And who can argue with a couple deciding during the past week to create another human life so as to be able to participate in something called the Seventh Inning Stretch Mark? Finally, the Cyclones might want to tighten up the disclaimer language on that Naming Rights thing, or else they’re going to be shelling out season tickets for life to these folks:

BrooklynBeckham

[Thanks to old friend and blogger Raising Two Americans for the tip.]

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5 Responses to “If You Encourage It To Get Knocked Up, They Will Come”

  1. Skywalker Says:

    I need to smack the person who thought of this. Its bad enough I get the side eye from people on Metro not so sure if I’m prego or not but to partake in this crap is not cool- running the bases to the lamaze in the center to the 7th Inning Stretch Marks…I’m pregnant indicating that achieved the goal in “entertaining” my husband and family for life now, I don’t need to entertain strangers with my knocked up state.

    Who thinks this is funny???

    Who wants to tell their kid to pop out during a baseball game?

  2. Phil Says:

    Skywalker – (raising hand)

  3. crazylegs Says:

    I’d totally go for the season tickets for life!

  4. Cuban Reporter Says:

    Skywalker, if you’re of Cuban descent and are born on a baseball field, you are automatically given preference over all other Cuban babies. Historically, tribes granted most powers to the first male, but in Miami, you can be the 14th kid popping out and still be the golden child of the family so long as you popped out in shallow right field. Either that, or you actually become a baseball player.

  5. Skywalker Says:

    You guys are crazy! I’m not a baseball fan. If this were lets say Auburn football, I may submit to the ridiculous but alas it is not.

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